Date: Saturday, 7 November 2026
Times: 09.00 – 17.00
Location: Cowdray Hall and Council Room, 20 Cavendish Square, London W1G 0RN
Cost: £115.00
The fee includes hot fork lunch and tea and coffee throughout the day.
All are welcome (click to read/hide)
We welcome all-comers: ex-boarders who have started to question if their life has been impaired by their boarding experience; family and friends of ex-boarders who wonder the same; parents wrestling with the decision to send their children away; care professionals with an interest in ex-boarder clients; and anyone who is curious about the lasting effects of boarding school. It can be especially useful for partners of ex-boarders, helping them learn about the impact of boarding on their relationship.
Support on the day (click to read/hide)
We believe that for the majority of people the conference is a stimulating, positive and affirming experience where we can tell our stories, be heard and understood. However, the conference can be challenging, and even distressing, as we face, perhaps for the first time, the full implications of our boarding school experiences. The conference organisers will do their utmost to support attendees who feel overwhelmed or distressed during the day, and colleagues with a background in therapy will be on hand to offer support should you need it. Look out for our brightly coloured badges.
Financial help (click to read/hide)
For those who would find it financially impossible to attend, we are able to give some help with the cost of the Conference. To discuss this in confidence please write to us. If you have already asked for financial help, please register by paying the amount you said you are able to pay. For those who would welcome the chance to help others receive the benefit they have had from past conferences, there is an opportunity to ‘pay it forward’ by making a donation to help those who, often as a result of their boarding experience, find themselves struggling financially. More details are on the registration form.
For all those attending the conference:
20 Cavendish Square is the headquarters of the Royal College of Nursing, just behind John Lewis on Oxford Street. It is at the South West corner of Cavendish Square, the junction with Henrietta Street. The nearest tube is Oxford Circus.
Please let us know (info@boardingschoolconcern.uk) if you have any special requirements.
20 Cavendish Square accommodates special diets, and meals need to ordered in advance. If you let us know your requirements on the registration form, one of us will make sure that a correct lunch will be waiting for you! If you need dairy or gluten free also let us know for the coffee and tea breaks.
Please register and pay here.
Conference – Saturday, 7 November 2026
Cowdray Hall and Council Room, 20 Cavendish Square, London W1G 0RN
PROGRAMME (timings provisional)
Morning Session
09.00
Lobby to the Council Room – entrance on Cavendish Square
Welcome, registration and refreshments
Boarding School Concern directors will be on hand to welcome you
09.30
Introduction – Caroline Rollings
Chair and Director of Boarding School Concern
Caroline will introduce the programme for the day
10.00
Guest Speakers – Rachel Godfrey & John Shirley
Out of Bounds: Creative Writing for Therapeutic Purposes
The husband-and-wife team will focus on the theme of how important it is for the individual stories of all boarding school survivors to be told and to be witnessed – and to recognise that there is healing in the telling and the witnessing, as well as in the experience of vulnerability in a safely-held group. The Out of Bounds (OOB) courses, as a Creative Writing for Therapeutic Purposes (CWTP) project, are firmly rooted in the healing aspect, as the process of expressive writing in a group can access deep layers and insights, often buried under layers of hidden trauma. The talk will cover the process of CWTP, with some background information about its uses and history, and the experience of running OOB and other CWTP courses over the past few years. In summary: Why OOB, why a CWTP course for ex-boarders? Who and what are addressed with the course? Why is this work important? What is the group dynamic? What evidence is there of the impact?
Rachel: “I didn’t go to boarding school. For many years I’ve used creative writing to explore how childhood experiences have shaped my sense of self and relationships with others, and it is an honour for me to hold space, alongside John, for participants to explore the long-lasting impact of their boarding school experience through creative writing for wellbeing. I acknowledge the courage that this work takes.”
John: “I was sent to boarding school at the age of eight, and it took me until my mid-fifties to start properly to re-evaluate the true impact of my boarding school experience. The lifting of hitherto unseen and inexplicably heavy burdens has been transformational to me and the important relationships I have with my wife, my family and friends. When I write, I make creative and imaginative inroads into the deep tissue damage of my boarding school experience. I see my feelings on the page and get in touch with my current self and my childhood self. I find words to connect the decades and make sense of what has gone on in between.”
Rachel and John will be leading a creative writing workshop as one of the afternoon groups (see below).
10.40
Questions and Answers
10.50
Break – Tea and Coffee in the Council Room
11.20
Guest Speaker – Nick Duffell
Managing the Shadows: how The Night Manager reveals the Strategic Survival Personality
In the BBC’s riveting adaptation of John Le Carré’s 1993 thriller (the first part broadcast while the author was alive and the second this year, both written by David Farr), Le Carré works his favourite type: the male ex-boarder and his complex relationship with the truth, the establishment and relationships. Two old Etonians steal the show. Tom Hiddleston’s Andrew Pine can be anyone he wants to be, and everyone falls for his charm: while Hugh Laurie’s Richard Roper is the face of smart success hiding a menacing absence of morality. We know them both.
Nick Duffell is best known as the author who asserts that elite boarding schools represent a trauma for children and a socio-political handicap for nations. Having practised psychotherapy for 30+ years, he now trains therapists and is a psychohistorian, bridging the gap between psychological and political thinking. He is an Honorary Research Associate at University College London.
Founder of Boarding School Survivors – targeted therapeutic help for adult ex-boarders
Author of The Making of Them: the British Attitude to Children and the Boarding School System
Editor of The Un-Making of Them : Clinical Reflections on Boarding School Syndrome
12.00
Questions and Answers
Short Talks
12.10
John Stanley
Lost Voices Heard: challenging the alma mater
What happens when you knock on the door of your old boarding school and demand justice for what happened to you long ago? Many of us have imagined what it might be like. Some people have actually done it. John Stanley, a survivor of a school with a reputation for criminal abuse in the 1980s and 1990s, tells the story of a group of people who simply wouldn’t take no for an answer and forced not only an apology from their school, but much more.
John Stanley is a director of Boarding School Concern and a boarding school survivor.
12.30
Helena Thomas
What They Don’t Put in the Prospectus: being with a boarding school survivor
This talk explores adult relationship dynamics that can emerge when one or both partners attended boarding school, and how to begin understanding both perspectives. While much is known about how former boarders survive boarding school, there is far less awareness of how these survival strategies can lack essential ingredients for loving without fear of emotional connection. This can influence communication with partners in adulthood and lead to misunderstandings and conflict. The talk aims to illuminate these dynamics and demonstrate how small, practical changes can strengthen relationships.
Helena Thomas is a BACP-registered psychotherapist, with a Diploma in Boarding School Syndrome, specialising in former boarders and relationships. She runs Group Therapy for Partners of ex-Boarders in West Hampstead and Guildford. She will be leading a follow-up Q&A session as one of the afternoon groups (see below).
12.50
LUNCH in the COUNCIL ROOM
Afternoon Session
14.00
Announcement about groups and workshops / move to breakout rooms
Participants will be invited to select a group or workshop in the application form, or otherwise can make a choice on the day (subject to availability).
14.10
Group Sessions
1. Help! I’m Living with an Ex-Boarder
Q&A session from the partner’s point of view – led by Helena Thomas (with Caroline Rollings)
The introduction will be that this session is from the partner’s point of view, and from their lens. For many, this may be the first opportunity they have had to ask why they feel the way they do in their relationship with their ex-boarder, and coping strategies when, for example, there is a lack of connection. To be able to start making sense of their own part in the dynamic, why their ex-boarder behaves the way they do but also how they are responding is where this session will be useful to take some thoughts away, and can bring some validation and acknowledgement of their own emotions.
2. Third Culture Kids
Who we are, and what are the effects? – led by Nicky Moxey (with Tim Bray)
Come to this low key, therapist-supported workshop to learn about how growing up in a country other than your passport country can affect you, and then what the added effect of boarding school may be. The format will be a brief overview of types of TCK and how the different cultures might impact a child: then it’s open to the floor for people to share their own experiences, if desired. Nicky Moxey is one of the editors of “Exploring Boarding School Challenges for Women and Third Culture Kids”.
3. The Ex-Boarder as Offspring and Parent
The cross-generational effect of boarding – facilitated by Rosemary Lamaison and Gordon Knott
This group will provide an opportunity to think about your relationship with your parents as an ex-boarder. The group will also look at how being an ex-boarder has affected you as a parent. In order to represent as many experiences as possible it would help if those choosing this group would give some thought in advance to summarising the feelings and impact of these issues – to enable sharing a short phrase, or a couple of words, during the group.
4. Non-Boarders Affected by Boarding
** Group for non-boarders ** The impact of the boarding experience on non-boarders – facilitated by Sara Warner (with support)
This group for non-boarders will explore the relationships with ex-boarders of those who did not attend boarding school. The focus will be on non-boarders’ relationships with siblings, friends and parents who were boarders, by looking at the impact that their boarding experience has on the non-boarder. The group is open to former boarders and non-boarders alike.
5. Creative Writing Workshop – led by John Shirley & Rachel Godfrey (with support)
John and Rachel offer open prompts that allow participants the choice to work with memory, imagination, poetry and/or fiction, and to write directly into the boarding school experience and legacy or to approach it more obliquely.
6. Returning Home to Self
Movement Medicine Session – led by Carolyn Wood (with support)
Want to express what is trapped inside? Does your body need/want to move? This is an introduction to embodiment. Through music and movement, we will actively engage with the elements: Earth, Fire, Water, Air, and Ether. We’ll explore how these elements move inside: feeling the ground in your bones, accessing your inner fire, letting go into your natural flow, and letting your breath shape and guide you. We will play with this elemental synergy to unlock a deeper sense of self. This is about reclaiming your power, releasing stagnant movement, and returning home in your body. No dance moves required!
7. Poetry Readings from SENT AWAY
Readings from BSCconcern’s anthology of boarding school poems – led by Paul Fray (with Jane Barclay)
The authors of some of the poems will read their poems; and talk about what led to their creation and how the creative process helped them on their journey of recovery.
8. Sculpture as a Means of Self-Expression – led by Tristram Thirkell (with support)
Tristram will introduce each of his boarding school sculptures exhibited in the Council Room and lead a discussion on the creative process and how it can help come to terms with the boarding school experience.
15.40
Break – Tea and Coffee in the Council Room
16.20
Wrap up
• Round-up and reflections from the day
• Where and how to find help and support
• Thanks and close
16.30
Tea and Coffee in the Council Room
A chance to decompress before travelling home
17.00
Post-conference Social in the The Phoenix pub
(on the corner of Margaret St & John Prince’s St)
Join the directors for an informal drink and a chat